There is wind.
It is windy.
No doubt, I am in the middle of wind.
So, the only choices I can make are how to deal with said wind.
I have had a series of better days. The moments are heavy still, on occasion, and I expect to have some awful, bad days as well. But, for the past few days, I have had bad moments, but good days. Sometimes I wonder if it is simply the sunshine. Other times I know that God has enveloped me, calmed me by a sweet word, a peaceful presence or the love of a nearby friend.
The moments come and I am able to cry or rant when I am surrounded by those I love. This is why I have continued to be in their presence, have them close, insist on being with someone. So far, I have not broken down in public or somewhere I am extremely uncomfortable. I am more likely to cry at home. This all feels normal. As normal as it can feel.
I have family having babies. I have showers to go to. I have celebrations to attend and tiny feet for Aunt Johnna to kiss. I have kids to raise, a husband to love......This is my wind....
Wind, like most everything else, is good in moderation. Beach breezes and hurricane gales are both winds....you see my point.
I approach each day knowing that the gusts change force based on my perspective, my agenda and my faith.
Standing against the wind is exhilarating sometimes, and other times you just want your hair in place. Sometimes I want the wind to cool my skin, and other times the wind is icy and stings.
My God is constant. He is peaceful and powerful. I have no concept for such fullness of such extremes. But, yet, He is. Alpha and Omega. Beginning and End. Merciful and Just. His wind is constant. It is my willingness, my faith and my submission or lack thereof that change my experience of the wind.
So, I have decided to walk into His mighty wind- knowing He is God. Knowing He will protect my heart. Knowing He created the very wind I walk into. I could duck and cover or even shake my fist at the wind- neither would allow me to learn, grow, seek or heal.
Amen :-)
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