Branson's Burial....

We decided to bury Branson. I know that doesn't seem like a decision, but it was. With all of the hope that had filled our hearts about her healing, a burial wasn't something that I wanted to discuss in length. I had said a few weeks ago, if she did not make it in this world, we would not have any sort of service, however if she did make it, but not survive, and people had been able to meet her, hold her etc, we would have a funeral.  Some things are just to painful and foreign to even predict.  People HAD met her....loved her......prayed for her.....walked the road with us....We were not prepared for the love and outpouring we received...and MUCH less prepared for the amount of love that people had simply- for her.


My dad died suddenly in 2007 and was buried awkwardly and thankfully in one of the plots that my Grandparents had bought previously in a cemetery I had no ties to. We were so thankful that it was available, but it was always sort of separate and lonely.  Needless to say, we had no way of knowing that this cemetery would suddenly be a place we were forever again tied to.... Last year, we bought a house just a mile up from the cemetery.  In the same cemetery they have plots reserved for babies that do not survive this earth, and we realized that Branson would be close to our home, close to my Papa's grave...a cemetery that my kids were already comfortable with.  We spoke to the cemetery and although not cheap, they were able to come up with something we could afford to make payments to.  
In the meantime, our friends at Mynatt's funeral home prepared Branson for burial calling us many times for confirmation that she was perfect, dressed in her tiny yellow flowery sleeper and white cap.  They were so gracious and generous, as they have always been.....we truly were blessed to have them take care of us.


In a way, it is comforting to drive by the cemetery where they both are.....


We awoke Sunday to some rain, and then it began to pour. Our yard was soaked, the clothes I had lain out for the kids were not going to work, and we struggled to even know how to prepare for this day.  I struggled to find anything to wear....What was I supposed to do....Look pregnant? because I still did....not look pregnant? because I wasn't.... what about the children who would be there: who knew what had happened, saw a box, saw my stomach? Wouldn't that be confusing? Was I supposed to wear make up, look pretty, be awake, be crying, be social.....what was this even going to look like......


Will had prepared what he would say(it is posted on the blog as "words from Will")...even Jaden had words to place at this event. I had nothing.  I didn't know what to say and looking back, said some very strange things to people that day.....the silence was too loud, and I felt the need to fill it...


We arrived as it continued to rain.  As we neared the cemetery, we talked about the lack of activity that there would be for a Sunday in the rain... Then, as we rounded the corner, we saw two long lines of cars....Surely, this was not just for Branson...... As we began to recognize cars, it became evident that, yes, these cars were representing people that were here for us...here for her....it was almost unbearable...the amount of love that rushed though us as we waited to near her tent, her tiny white casket, the small peach flowers, the surrounding mud and grass.....




People continued to show, to walk from their cars....without umbrellas...the rain had cleared.

There sat her casket, and beside it we placed her "duck".... the toy and comforter we had sought and purchased especially for her.  Jaden Lily made a bead charm that simply stated "Branson Has Life"....


I had no words, but I did have song. I knew what my heart wanted to say and had asked Raychel to sing....knowing that this may be too difficult of a favor...and then, it happened....The worship my heart wanted to hear... as      Jo played the guitar and Michael and she sang..

"There is power in the name of Jesus...to break every chain.."
This had been my prayer and the chains had been so many things...  They had been kidney failure, and limbs that would not release. They had been fluid stuck within brain spaces and umbilical restriction. They had been my bitterness, my lack of faith, my anger and jealousy. Now the chains were around the disbelief, defeat and disappointment that my heart felt.  Take them, Lord Jesus...that is NOT the person I was created to be...that will NOT be what defines the rest of my life, my marriage, my parenting.......Why? because HE loves me....that's why.

They continued to sing.


"He is jealous for me....Loves like a Hurricane, I am a tree.
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
and I realize just how Beautiful You are and how Great Your affections are for me.
He Loves Us, oh How He Loves Us........"


We wept. As Will rose to speak, Eason instinctively followed. He stood beside Will as he spoke and even gently touched his hand to her casket.  Will spoke- the most healing and beautiful words that I had ever heard.  My husband, the Father of my children, her Daddy.....the man that God had gifted me with......My heart bled for him, and at the same time I have never been more satisfied or proud of him in my life. 

As he stood behind, holding her up, Jaden Lily read the letter she had written about Branson the day she found out we had lost her.  It was delicious, full of truth.....and full of sadness...








"I cried when I heard she was in the womb. I laughed when she kicked my hand. Now I don't know whether to laugh or to cry..she is in    Heaven."


My cousin and our friend both closed in prayer. Their prayers were cries of comfort and praises for the mercies that God had already poured out.  They were both beautiful.


As it concluded we began to filter through the crowd to hug and cry with all of those that had come. It was the most overwhelming experience of my life....not unlike the fog that a wedding reception can be.....only catching glimpses of long-time friends that I had no words for, close friends that I seemed to barely see that day and family members that simply could not bear the grief.  As we all waded through the mud, many pointed out that the rain had stopped.....it had...and there was even a patch of sunlight.....
I wished it had mattered more to me..the weather just seemed to mimic the unexpected nature and mystery of my God.  The following day, a Monday, it would storm and rain all day...enough to flood all the nearby creeks and rivers....my God was experiencing what I was experiencing...because He loved me....enough to know He was right and sovereign and still scoop me up in His arms and cry with me.

People began to slowly drift away.

Will needed to spend a few more moments there. Will pulled me away, and I am so glad he did.  The time we spent in those last few moments at her grave were beyond precious. I was also able to pull Eason aside and I gave him some words to repeat.  
"Branson, I love you. You are in heaven with Jesus. We miss you. You are safe and not sick."

I was so grateful to have those moments there. Will lingered a few more minutes and we left......and drove home.... a mile down the road.  I have attended children's funerals before. The first one when I was very young when a young baby boy died. I watched as his mother and father openly wept for him.  It is so powerful to watch the stories of others unfold.  This same family decided to adopt a beautiful little girl in their later life, after raising their own children....these experiences and openings into people's lives shaped who I am, who God sculpted me to be.....your stories are so important.......