Today's appointment was quick and uneventful. We did see Branson's face.. She was moving and actually had the hiccups.... She also had a good heartbeat and had managed to turn herself breech again...I had some big kicks last night, so I am just fine with her being breech.. The more I feel the better.
There were no in-depth measurements done, but there was still fluid on her brain. She also still had fluid in her bladder and kidneys. Amniotic fluid levels were good, and obviously she is moving.
I felt my heart sink at seeing the lack of change. It is beginning to wear on me, on us as a couple, and has seemed like the longest 3 weeks of our lives. I am tired. I feel helpless. I have bad days. I don't feel like talking. I want to sleep. I feel foggy.
I wonder if my faith is weak. I wonder if I have really surrendered her to the Lord. I wonder if I have told the kids too much or not enough. I feel like I am exhausting my friends.
I feel......
I could go on and on about me. I could spend so much time documenting the ups and downs of the process as we wait. However, the truth is that you already know. Everything you have felt or wondered if you would feel I have felt.. Over and over.
We will visit the specialist Monday and will have more answers... Strike that: medical answers.
However, a friend recently reminded me that what we do not see is so much more real than what we do see.... THIS is the truth that we stand on.... And we do it sometimes with strength and power, but most of the time we are standing with weak legs and with the help of family and friends....
Pray for Monday's appointment. Pray for healing. Pray for strength.
My sister wrote this poem a few months back and when I asked her to pray for you guys she asked me if I would share this with you. We are praying for your family! God Bless!
ReplyDeleteThere are things in this life that bring us down and make us frown,
but when were we told that we would have an easy life?
There are times in this life when the storm will rage close to home,
but remember God is always in control!
There are things in this life that will bring us to tears,
but don't worry you have nothing to fear God is always near!
There will be times in this life when we won't have the strength to fight,
but God is always there and he will never fail!
There are things in this life that we wish to forget,
but while you’re on your knees praying to God,
remember there are better days ahead.
There are things In this life that will come only for a season,
but never forget God has his reasons!
-A Poem by Aimee Lojeski
Thank you for being so honest here. What if you could see how you're growing? What if God gave you some kind of spiritual glasses that would enable to see your larger, vulnerable heart...your softer, open arms...your expanding mind? Maybe it would make things easier, maybe not. But I think I see it. I know it's through times like these that we grow and change into people who look more like Jesus than we used to.
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