remember when.....

If you have ever had the stomach bug and wanted to die, you have probably thought to yourself at some point "why don't I ever take advantage of the times that I don't feel like this?" or "why am I not thankful for the days that I am healthy and don't feel bad?" If you have ever been on crutches or had your arm in a sling, you have wondered the same thing.......you have found task beyond task that you simply took for granted.  Whenever I am nauseous, I will confess something to you all.....I have been known to make deep bargains with my Savior- that if He would simply intervene, I would ( fill in the blank).  I simply HATE feeling like I might throw up.


This is where I have lingered for the past few weeks.  In this space between the ROCK: wondering why I took such simple things for granted(pregnancy, sleep, being thankful, my husband) and the HARD PLACE: on the verge of making bargains with my Lord.   This HARD PLACE is something I have resolved to avoid.  First of all, it is absolutely contrary to who I believe the Lord is. He is NOT waiting until He hears the best deal to execute His will, and He loves me so much more than that......


I remember when there was space within the walls of my house to complain about the pains of pregnancy.....when I felt the freedom to say "calm down, baby!" or "hurry up and come out!"....or even "This is miserable" especially in this last month.  There is now no room for such complaints.....Each sore muscle and bout of reflux and loss of breath is taken with newfound thankfulness.  


I still find myself waiting for the day where there is nothing to worry about....a day when there is nothing to be on my knees in prayer about...and then I stop and sigh at such a thought.  
Those were the very days I took for granted...the days that I did not stop to think about how "right" everything was.  
Of course there will always be something for which to be on my knees. I am a parent and a wife: enough said.
 God has called me to Him now...closer than ever before.  To wish for a perfect life or my "best life ever" would be wishing away this intimacy with the Father.