the ins and outs of doors.

......so yesterday I opened the door to let Eason in and the dog got out and was gone for over 6 hours.  I remained calm, reassured the kids, called Will to tell him-calmly.....
and then I frantically searched the shelter websites and went out to call him every 15 minutes......I was kicking myself for opening the door.  Five minutes before that I had told the kids to use the back door...to avoid such things.  Don't get me wrong....I am not an "inside dog fanatic"....He just has been a stray so long, I want him to be good and used to us before he goes journeyin' around....I also want him "fixed" first:)


I was worried.


 I was.....this is unlike me- especially about a dog.  
Why had I opened the door?
Why didn't I have him up? Safe...protected....


Why was this different, new? Because I realized that every time my heart opens, anything can enter. Just like opening the door for Eason- it was a risk. Even if I had planned, grabbed his collar, had him crated, anything could have gotten in.


Don't forget that I am married to an exterminator...... Imagine dealing with mice, bedbugs, fleas, cockroaches, drain flies, and ants all day.  When you come home to an open door, kids standing in the doorway.....what would YOU be thinking.......


Shut the door, Johnna. 
Try and keep the door closed.
Make sure the kids close the door.  


I mean, I get it.  Everything flies in.....all kids of things.....they get in, fly about.....
My grandmother used to think flies came in and played in the toilet and then came to fly around her kitchen. She truly believed flies were malicious creatures out to contaminate her life....I digress.


I realized yesterday that I had allowed a piece of my heart to open up for the first time in a while- even if it was for a dog.  In that opening up, I am risking heartache....
This dog could be hurt, cost us a fortune, run away....break our hearts. I could have to explain to the kids he was gone...or even dead.....in fact, I WILL have to do that.  It is inevitable.  


Relationships are risky.  Trust is risky.  Restoration is risky.


Do we forgive that estranged family member? Do we allow the abuser to see their grandchildren? Do we  meet that friend for lunch- the one that hurt us so badly?  Do we continue to love someone who gives nothing in return? Do we seek to reach the village that does not know Jesus? Do we open our hearts to adoption when God says no to our pregnancy dreams? Do we walk in loneliness when God says no to a relationship? Do we trust when it hurts and we don't know what is on the other side of the door?

jaden calls this 1 on 1 time

What is the closed door doing for you? You may have, like me, closed areas up and told God He can have everything but that.  You will do everything but "this"....you may not even know that you have that place you hold on to....or maybe, like me, as soon as someone talks about a "secret area" of your life you know EXACTLY what that area is.  That is a good thing....that means you can still hear the Holy Spirit....He is still there....seeking all of you.

eason reading slim a story.

Open it.  Even if that means you are open to your heart breaking.  How many different illustrations do we need.  If you don't step in the water, your feet will stay hot on the sand...if you don't toil and plant it, it will not grow and bloom..if you don't jump, you won't feel the wind in your hair, you won't make a splash.....if you don't stand in the rain, you won't feel it wash over your body.....and on and on.


Open it. Know that when you open it, anything will try to get in- will try to interrupt the relationship and restoration.  Open it...but ask the Father to protect you.  He will not leave you alone to fight.  


Open it.  Living....It is worth it.