You will have to forgive the font and grammar of this post. I am writing from my phone on vacation with my sweet kiddos:) (thank you Jesus for the vacation!)
This is adapted from last weeks's word from Ryan. He spoke on worry and anxiety, and there was profound truth in it. It was also just what I had been swirling around in my head as well. So these ideas are mine and his and I truthfully don't know where his stop and mine start. Just know he packs a punch and you can get his full word at abidingglory.com.
Sometimes you have to talk yourself into trusting the Lord. Think about it. It doesn't ALWAYS come easily.
The unknown causes me worry. That worry is evidence of areas where I don't fully trust God. Trust requires surrender. Faith is trusting when we don't have all the answers. It is us attempting to do a "better job" at it than God. We fear because we are fighting for control of our lives. Fear is a form of "faith in the enemy" : an enemy who wants to harm you. If faith in God is powerful, then fear is just as powerful in the other direction. Fear wants to cripple your faith.
The Israelites had just been freed from slavery, and an Israelite had to kill Goliath in order
to avoid decades of captivity again. They were full of fear. Goliath taunted them day after day after day..for 40 days.
The taunting can be deafening. It can be the voice in your head when you look in the mirror, the need to have the budget perfectly balanced, the unwillingness to give up a habit, the overindulgence of your flesh.... The place where you feel God could never fully heal.
There were things that taunted me during the last few weeks I was pregnant with Branson. As I prayed, the enemy would remind me of medical terminology, of prognosis, of disabilities that were possible. I found myself in a battle with the internet to not look up and research things. The medical side of things taunted me with things above my knowledge. I felt teased.
You feed fear by continuing to obsess and focus on the fear. We meditate on the fear like we should on our faith. We convince ourselves the fear is insurmountable. Fear makes your faith ineffective. Fear allows you to still believe IN God, but it keeps you from BELIEVING God. It is believing in something without acting on that belief.
In the weeks following Branson's diagnosis, I did not struggle to believe IN God. I struggled and searched my heart, frantically at times to BELIEVE God. I wanted so badly to believe Him.... To allow Him to interpret His will in my life. But, what was it? I looked for His truth... Waded through it when it wad murky and mysterious.... Stood on it in Praise when He revealed His love and mercy to me and submitted in tears when He reminded me that His will was perfect and that sometimes I wouldn't understand.
We overcome fear and anxiety by starving it out. We have to replace it with a perspective of faith.
In the moments when we hear the voice of doubt, worry and anxiety, we are supposed to act. Simply continuing to worry and dwelling on the anxiety feeds the fear itself. Soon you will find yourself acting on it as well. You will not sign up to go to Mexico for fear of flying, you will not give generously for fear of not meeting ,your financial goal, you will not serve in mission for fear your children will be "exposed" to hurt, you will avoid connecting for fear of intimacy..... Then, you are living out the fear.
At many times I found myself awake letting the worry wash through me. I sweat, I cried, I fought to figure out another way. What were the lies the enemy told me concerning Branson?
That I deserved her.
That because I was a Christian, I shouldn't be hurting.
That God didn't care about us.
That God was a purposeless puppet-master.
That I did something wrong.
There were times I had to convince myself that I wasn't worried- times I stood in the middle of the living room with hands raised or on my knees in the shower.... These movements - times I acted - allowed faith to explode, fear was exiled because of the mear presence of faith... Not because I HAD faith, but because I believed God when He said He would be there.
The Israelites, King Saul, and David's brothers believed IN God, but they did not BELIEVE God.
David said "let no man's heart fail because of Goliath. I, your servant, will fight. He has defied the amries of the living God. The Lord that delivered me from the lion and the bear while tending sheep, will deliver me as well."
He acted. Acted on God's presence, His actual present tense working in their midst.
Ryan spoke last week directly to my heart. I was waiting to feel "strong enough" to act on MY faith....instead, I intend to step out into a dark place... To walk down the path even though He has only lit the few inches in front of me. Defeat fear by looking at the situation from God's perspective. Argue yourself into accepting and convincing yourself that God is in control. Starve it out. Argue faith into your life. Fear will argue you back....keep arguing.
David ran toward the battle line with his sling, struck Goliath in the forehead with a stone. He fell down dead, and David beheaded him with the giant's own sword. Did David kill Goliath? Or did God use David? Duh.
Allow the power of God in your life, not by doing, but by surrendering.
My friend Sadie had a dream. Among other revelations,this was one: A person cannot decorate a house unless they own it. God will not fully move in and decorate you, until He has all of you... He already paid for you.
Where are the places that you bury and worry about? Allow them to bubble to the surface.... Allow Him to have control.
Eustace, the unlikable character in CS Lewis's "Dawn Treader" is mutated into a dragon because of his greed and bad attitude.
Edmund: So what was it like…when Aslan changed you back?
Eustace tells the story of allowing Aslan to restore him. "No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do it myself. Then he came toward me…it sort of hurt, but…it was good pain. You know, like, when you pull a thorn from your foot."
He just surrendered and allowed Aslan to do it. Is He God enough? Do you believe Him? I do... Even when it is hard, I will.. I will...I will.
Psalm 23
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