A year ago......

Hindsight....
In my past experience, it has always been rather clear.  20/20. So easy to see what choices were poor, what roads God led us through, what paths were disastrous.  When I think about the past year, I have no such clarity.  


Although I distinctly see the valley that the Lord walked us through, I make no attempt to clarify the reasoning or will of my Father. There is no asking why because there is no earthly answer that would suffice. When I miscarried a baby in early 2006, I became pregnant soon after with Eason. There was a very simple physiological answer for that time. The loss of that baby was painful, but the truth was and is that simply because of time, I would not have been able to have that baby without negating the life of my Eason.  I would have had her...and no him.  So, with that knowledge and understanding I trusted that the Lord's plan was not only perfect but also realistic.


With Branson's death, there is no solace in time.  I could have her and still have Vivi on the way.  She would have turned 1 on February 25th.  My hindsight is just as blurry as ever.  That is ok with me.  I am no longer expecting to be met by answers I always understand. I am getting used to just believing.  


Today, standing in worship, thinking about where we were this time last year, I wept with the knowledge that I believed whole-heartedly that Branson would be born, healed and a part of our family.  I believed that she would be a testimony to the world about the loving miracles our God still performs. I longed to see that on the faces of the doctors, the skeptics, our friends, our children.  
I do not regret believing in that. She is a testimony- she was made whole and healed and called into the Kingdom immediately- before experiencing the sin of this world.  She is part of our family.


He answered my prayers and met me in my belief- even when it wasn't what I thought He would do.  He gathered me to Him.  He walked me through it.  He calmed my spirit. He actually CHANGED me......


My hindsight is just as much in His hands as my future... 
Pray for us as we walk out the next few weeks around the anniversary of Branson's birth.


Vivi is active, growing and well, and we will celebrate both girls together.