Restoration

I hope I didn't catch you off guard with the post from last year. It made no sense to try to describe again where I was when I had a perfectly fine time capsule with it all right there...raw and untouched. So, I decided to repost it. It made more sense.  


On Saturday, Branson's delivery day- her Birthday, we will be visiting her grave.  We want to make sure that we honor the day and celebrate her life.  Will had the idea to do this every year- to put blatant "Springtime!" flowers out in the middle of February...quenching out the Winter. I love it.  Jaden is planning on making a strand of beads to leave there, and we just want it to be a time of celebration and healing.  Because of who Branson was and the testimony she has, we cannot bear to keep her to ourselves. We go by her grave often as a family.  This Saturday, however, we want to open it up to anyone who would like to celebrate her with us.  You are welcome to come, to drop by, to talk to your kids.....We want this to be a moment of healing for the children that have walked this road with us as well. It couldn't have been easy.  **Greenwood Cemetery, Tazewell Pike  1 o'clock**


That being said, I have spent this week immensely blessed.....Blessed by the words of friends and the encouragement that has come from so many.  I even had an amazing baby shower last week...or should I say "Johnna Shower".....some of my most favorite women across many generations with immeasurable wisdom surrounded me and poured out love for me.  Vivi received some sweet sweet gifts, but more than anything, I was showered with love.  They spent over an hour speaking blessings over me, praying for me, Vivi, Will and the kids.....They built up my spirit.  Between that event and 5 nights in a row of good sleep, I feel like I can take on the world.  And I am.



Vivi's room is finished, and I am just about ready to take some pictures of it.  To top it off, right outside her room, we placed a shadowbox and memory box of Branson's things.  It is perfect....available to the kids and personal to our house.  I feel really peaceful when I look at it.  




















I am in amazement at where we find ourselves and humbled by the gift that Vivi is. I realize the difference in this year had we not been pregnant- that ever-present hope....
We did not have to get pregnant. We could have tried for months without success.  We could have even decided not to try again.  Or- we could still be trying and in despair.  I realize this.  I also realize that this is where some of you are.  You feel as though God hasn't heard you...hasn't restored you...hasn't met you in that place yet.  My story could make you angry....because you feel you are being robbed of the healing you want. You may still be angry at God.  That is all ok. I am convinced that it doesn't matter what you say to the Father as long as you are in His lap when you say it.  


What encouragement can I give other than to say that it is His plan for you...that restoration IS what He intends for you.  I don't know the time, the space or even the process, but it is ALWAYS His plan.  I do know that sometimes He must remove us from things, chisel away at us, take us from what is comfortable in order for us to see the restoration.  Sometimes, we must choose to let go of things- bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy, control-  in order to receive it.  


I choose that. I choose it even again today, Lord.  I give you control. I give you Vivienne.  She is yours.  You know what is best.  I submit her to you, my kids to you, my marriage to you, my plan to you......again and again and again.