worst blogger ever.

I'm not sure why I have not been writing....perhaps it is confusion- the jumble of my thoughts....or perhaps the hectic nature of the holidays....i doubt it.
I think, more than anything else, it is the positioning of my heart in still expectation.  I find myself standing at attention in the presence of this miracle that is occurring within me.  I find myself holding my breath- attempting to enjoy moments instead of worry them into the next trimester. I find myself happy.  But more than happy, I find myself knowing I am walking within that path He has for me.  Most of the time, I am aware of His presence.

There are other times, however, where I forget to hold his hand crossing the street. I forget to look for traffic, listen.  I walk without Him. Usually this happens on the cusp of a doctor's appointment. I find myself looking to them for answers, for comfort, for reassurance.  It is never found there- I only end up running desperately back across the street for the hand of my Savior.  He is still there...in fact, He walked me across the street anyway- never left.

It isn't as if my prayers haven't answered.....I conceived, am carrying an active and perfect baby girl.....a GIRL.....a girl.... I keep saying it.  I am amazed.  A girl. Branson's sister.  An amazing gift to us on the anniversary of Branson's due date.  I couldn't be more thankful.

I still covet your prayers. Can I spell them out? Can I be specific?

1) Health for her and for I...and for the rest of the family during this time.
2) for a newness of this season. Because of the exact same due date, I find myself repeating the year...wearing the same maternity clothes to the same holiday events, remembering Branson's pregnancy, having semi-deja-vu experiences...feeling like I have been pregnant for so long......Pray for newness and fresh memories.
3) for the kids as we near the 30 week mark....as we remember finding out about Branson's health problems.....for their peace and faith.

Most of all
4) For Will: For peace and strength for him. That I would be a  helper to him. That he would feel the presence of the Lord in these moments. That God would strengthen him from within...miraculously. That he would feel a release of pressure, anxiety, discontentment......Please pray for him.

As for me, I am basking in the glow that is this holiday season...feeling so grateful...remembering the babies not with us this season...and marveling at how beautiful their sweet caroling voices must sound to our Jesus.