Holding on.....finding the jewels.

When I came home from the hospital without Branson, there were decisions that had to be made.  


Sell the cloth diapers I had purchased?


Pack away or give away the clothes we had lain out?


Give back or save maternity clothes?


Repaint, remove, repurpose nursery furniture?


These questions needed to be answered quickly....and it is the same at most any death.  How can you separate the mounds of stuff.  Where are the jewels in this pile of life things?  


Give away their clothes?
Sleep on my side or the middle of our bed?
Take down pictures, or put up more pictures?
Speak of them often or not at all?
Cry or not?
Take this box to the mission or put it in my attic?


Most of the time, these are not questions we specifically ask the Lord the answers to.  Most of the time we go on our gut, our emotions, our fears even.
After watching a few episodes of "Hoarders" there are definite themes..... 


For one, some things have lost value and some things have gained value. You will see boxes upon boxes of things that seemingly seem to have the same value.  The precious letter from Vietnam is stashed in with  McDonald's toys and the porcelain china from Paris in wrapped up underneath the box of 15 unopened Christmas ribbon spools.  There are no jewels to be found for they have been treated like garbage. The garbage is now just as important.


In most of the situations, someone has died.  You hear things like, "After my mother died, I was left with all of her things, and she collected china"....."When my grandma died of cancer she left me her dolls and told me to take care of them"......"When my mom died, I have all of her antiques. She said they were very valuable."...."When my mom and dad were killed in the car wreck, we boxed up everything in the garage. I don't know what is in there. It is too hard to go through." 

         For me, it is:    "When my dad died unexpectedly, he had almost nothing. So, what he did have, I have subjected to be valuable even when it is not...old tools, power cords, newspapers...even a pair of fingernail clippers."

         And this, too, is me:  "When Branson died, I was left with baby clothes, items, toiletries, diapers, maternity clothes, etc......"

Do you see it?  It doesn't take a psychiatrist to see that we are using the things to hold on to people....to connect, remember, memorialize.  It doesn't take a genius to also realize that at some level, way back maybe, this was partly the fault of the deceased.  
Let me explain:  
The value was placed on the things by the dying, or the pressure of keeping the "things" was non-verbally expressed, merely suggested or understood.  In some cases, the relationship was bare and empty to begin with, therefore using the "things" in place of actual connection or relationship.  
Whatever the case, real conversation about death and relationship was not taking place.  Their closest family may not know what is trash and what is treasure.....
In some cases, the people we lost did everything right, or the death was sudden....and in that case, we, the left behind, struggle to just hold on to anything.......then, even mundane "stuffs" becomes jewels...


When you are falling, it is only instinct that causes you to brace yourself, throw out your arms to catch you, protect your face with your hands, close your eyes in expectation for the abrupt earth beneath you.....
God instilled in you those instincts.  Did He not also promise to instill your spirit against "falling" as well....promising to be alongside you in your darkest, most desperate moments?  In those moments, when you don't have time to ask the questions.....when you are making decisions and walking through heartache, He can guide you, just the same....if you have asked Him to...if you have surrendered your own old, outdated, worthless map, broken compass and fearful spirit.  


In those first few days following Branson's death, He led me even when I didn't know it....caused me to make good decisions, cling to Him, involve my family and friends, be open and honest. He had become my instincts.......He was able to find jewels among the rubble.


I haven't ever asked you this before......and I may not ever ask you again...but, this morning, I feel that I should throw you a life raft......
Are you holding on to something? Something that doesn't actually keep you up? Think of it this way: If your ship is sinking, did you grab a worthless piece of wall art that won't support your weight in the water....or worse yet, did you grab a stone statue that is pulling you under? Are you fighting to keep not only you but the statue afloat as well?  


I simply say this: I have a life raft.  I have it for myself and for others. I can pick you up, and you can share the raft.  It can be your raft. 
No, you cannot bring your heavy stone statue. You must let it go.  And, no, the wall art will take up too much room....for we have more people to rescue. 
 If you have never seen a life raft before, I ask you to trust me....trust me that it is keeping me up.  If you doubt it, I ask you to try.  If you have been hurt or deceived by someone else trying to offer you a life raft I am sorry.  I am sorry. 



 I don't want you to be drowning, not in grief or loss or sorrow or depression or confusion.  
Ask Jesus to show Himself......throw down your heavy weights and ask Him to lift and support you.  He has Never said No......
and He has especially been waiting for you...holding on all this time...to you.....His Jewel.