Babies

Babies are everywhere.
Yesterday, my niece Evelyn Ann was born. She and my Branson were to have been the best of friends. Melanie and I were so excited at the thought of having our girls together, just like we had done with our "boys"

This loss is one of the greatest gaping wounds that I have ever experienced... Not the blessing of "Evie", not jealousy, not anger... Just the fact that such a beautiful experience was missed... Was taken from me: to raise our girls side by side.

I held her today.

I had wondered what it would feel like. I had wondered if I would be angry or jealous or even so weepy and broken that I wouldn't be able to experience HER.
But I did. I did see her. Her dark black hair. Her button nose and sweet little tounge moving and searching in her mouth. Her wrinkled toes:).
She was magnificent.

In the car, later, I wept. I wept for me... For the loss of something I wanted... A plan I had... A dream I wanted to share.

My niece will know when she came into my life. She will know what it meant to me, and what she is to me. She will know that God used her little lips and eyebrows and pinky fingers to bless me and comfort me today. She will be loved just a teensy bit more than usual... And I don't apologize for needing to snuggle her a little more than normal.