The best news.....

boy or girl?

Our baby- at 16 1/2 weeks is as healthy as can be.  THAT is the best news ever.

At our appointment this week, little one was kicking, stretching, jumping, waving, dancing....the head circumference was perfect....the little baby was perfect.
I am also pleased to say that things that usually occur in my pregnancies are not occurring. I have zero high blood pressure which I have had with all other 3 pregnancies....I am not gaining too much or too little....I have had zero infections...no heartburn(yet lol)......It has been so different.

So, we are praising God for health.  At that appointment, I knew I was past 16 weeks. I also knew that I was getting an ultrasound. So, Will made sure he was there and we took both kids.....we were stoked to find out what we were having...and I was dying to know.

As I stated previously, I have had trouble connecting to this baby. I usually bond very early, and I have eagerly awaited the connection to take place...at 8 weeks.....after the first ultrasound.......at 12 weeks......after the 1st trimester screenings...when I felt kicks......
It wasn't happening....and I was dying to be connected. I just knew that knowing if this baby was a boy or girl would do it.....I could envision them...call them by name.......talk to him/her.  It would help.

However, the doc wasn't ready to determine sex. He kindly prodded us to wait until our 20 week anatomy scan- no big deal.  He pointed out his opinion about error in determination.  He was sweet about it, but persistent.

I held back the tears until we made it to the car. We had driven separate and as the kids and I exited the parking garage I lost it.   Jaden understood.....was disappointed along with me and encouraged me to wait. She is so much braver than me.  I was heartbroken to wait 4 long weeks.  And I was embarrassed to care so much. Had I not just seen my healthy baby on the screen 10 minutes ago? Had I not been blessed beyond comprehension? Was I that demanding and impatient? yes.

I knew that all I had to do was call the private sonogram company in the area and make an appointment. I knew that Will would support me. I just didn't know if it was right.
Was I circumventing God's plan for me by making an appointment? Would I miss out on something I was meant to learn- a growing moment.  Was I simply being an impatient brat?   Would my doctor be mad that I had not heeded his advice....or obeyed him?

I made the appointment.  I made it because it wasn't wrong to do so.  I made it because I wanted to connect to this baby. I made it to avoid the stress and sadness of being disconnected.  I made it- and it was the best $99 I ever spent.

I cannot fully explain to you what all I saw- but I can tell you what stood out the most:
Bent knees.  Legs that flexed all the way in- knee to nose....and then extended in a kick.......coming back to rest in Indian style....and then to kick again.
Branson's legs had not moved- had not bent......we spent those 5 weeks watching as she remained mostly still- as her legs remained outstretched.
Jesus continues to reveal to me the magnitude of what was both physically and mentally wrong in her sweet body- and although I may never have a name or diagnosis, I am coming to fully understand the mercy that she endured by being taken home.

So, the ultrasound tech pointed out the obvious lack of certain body parts and my heart leapt at the thought of a sweet little girl in our house. I can't begin to explain the emotions- but can only tell you that it seems so right.

I sang to her the whole way home....The connection was immediate, and I have yet to stop floating.
I am praising God for what He has already done, but more than anything, I cannot wait to see what He is doing.  This baby seems to have destiny....and it is the Person that I am excited to meet, not the baby.

PS: Eason is still warming up to the idea of having a girl...he had his heart set on a brother:)

16 1/2 weeks.