Surrender......

These are the hands of surrender.  

I have spent the last 8 months learning how to walk around with my hands in the air....how to be in surrender to a perfect will I did not understand. I have been walking in reverence and submission to a bigger plan, a larger picture.....a plan that my Jesus formulated that is far above my ability to understand most days.  

It has taken months to even learn this walk....and I haven't even felt like I "got it".  Each prayer has been about my surrender.  Each praise to the Father is about the fact that He has it in His hands.  Each fear has been that if He did not, I would be dead in the water.....hopeless, bitter....angrier.  

Learning to walk this way has only increased my humility, humbled my "knowledge" and increased my faith in what is unseen. I have no answers. I don't know why God chose to heal the leper and not my sweet girl.  I do not know why we have experienced the amount of death in our family that we have this year...7 in the last year....... I don't know any of it....but I know who He is...and I know He loves me....and I know that I will continue to surrender....

Here is what I did NOT know:

The same hands that reach out in surrender to the Almighty....those are the same hands that wait for blessing.

Look at them...... See the outstretched arms....the extended fingers and palms cupped to receive.  

I didn't know.

I didn't know that this whole walk...this entire climb...I had been walking in submission and surrender with my hands awaiting His blessing as well.  

And it has come.....

And I am having trouble receiving it.

I'm just being honest.

I will wait...with cupped hands....I will hold His blessing out in my hands raised to Him for He means to work in me, through me...like a river flowing in and through and around all that I am.