From the heart of Jaden Lily

The "not knowing", as I call it, makes the road each of us walk adventurous. It also makes it scary, dangerous and out of our control.  It amazes me that God knew this when He gave us our will and freedom to choose- knowing we did not have his omniscience or wisdom.  We can choose all we want....all day long.....what we don't know. awesome.....


 
It lends itself to leaning, huh. It creates a moment of willing submission.  It keeps us heeled at our Savior's feet.  Have you ever watched an dog being walked....?  Look at these pictures:


Are you seeing that fluffy, white thing trying to be the leader. At some point, you want to scream at the fluffball and say, "come on.....there is this leash....and the purpose of this leash is to keep you from going too fast, going over there, getting hurt....etc.  Don't you feel that strangling burning on your neck? ouch. stop. You are not the leader....give up. rest.
This other picture. Sigh......Are you seeing what I am getting at? To walk at the feet of your master. To not have to decide where is safe...to feel the freedom and the slack around your neck.......What a picture of where I am longing to remain always.


My hindsight is excellent.  Maybe yours is as well.  I have been praying for God's shelter and wisdom as we walk into new things as a family. Deaths, Change, Purpose, Serving, Our Family.....I want to look ahead and remember what He has already done.  The point of history is to LEARN.....I want to be wise....to have learned....to look to the future like the wise old man in the porch swing who recalls a similar instance in his past from which he draws.....I want to remember.


As we were riding in the car a few days ago, Jaden says to me:


Mom, I can't believe it is almost August.  I can't believe that we are at this place. I never thought there would be a day that went by that we didn't just cry about losing Branson.  Remember, mom? Remember what it was like after she died.  We would just cry in the car and in our prayers and during the day. Remember that we just felt like it would always be that way? But I remembered that when Papa died I felt that way, too.  But God made us laugh again...even when we thought we never would.  So, I knew He could.  I just wondered if we would be ok, and look.....we are. 


Yes, I know she is exceptional.  I know. I know.  She is also the blessing I found at the end of another road where there was a lot of "not knowing".......  I want to always be in the place where I understand that I can do nothing without Him.....I want to always stay here.


Lord, tether my heart to yours. Bind me so tightly to your heels that I remain dependent on you even when the sun is shining...even when my flesh feels no need.  Let me rest in the freedom of being safe beside you.  Never let my heart forget your goodness, your faithfulness and that you led us though the valley of the shadow......Amen.