Don't follow me on Pintrest....

Don't do it. I can't handle the pressure. Every time I am notified that someone is following me on Pintrest I cringe. I don't fully understand Pintrest, and I have no delusion that these followers believe I am über creative.... I don't follow people on Pintrest... I am more of a look-up-something-in-a-pinch kind of girl. I tried to make boards but alas.. Failure. Everything I have ever "pinned" is someone else's good idea. Anything I've done myself would pale in comparison. I can be creative, but antique lace valentines? Block letters covered in gold leaf? Stencils on the stairs? Homemade hairbows out of Homemade felt? .......... I got nothin'....

I won't lie and say I am not into social media. I'm addicted to Instagram.... I love the look and the mood of the pictures and I have driven many a follower away with my constant stream of kid pictures. I keep my Facebook to connect with friends overseas... I like a good on-line flea market now and then and I do 90% of my shopping on EBay.... I just have to constantly draw a line.

How many of you have kids as honest as mine? "Mom, put down your phone. Don't post that picture of me. Mom take a picture of me and post it. Mom, let me video. Mom, stop texting and driving. Mom, you look kind of fattish in that picture. Mom, can I play your phone. Mom, put your phone down, I'm talking to you."

Sound familiar? They know I have a line. They know I sometimes cross it. I struggle between being in the moment and capturing the moment. Sometimes you can't do both. I struggle between being open and wanting interraction and wanting to be left alone. I want interraction that costs me little. That's called selfishness, in case you were wondering.
I am so excited about the world being open for me, but am I  ready to accept the constant tap tap tapping of the world on my doorstep. The very irony that I post that question on a blog is evidence of my inner struggle. I am an open book... And I desire to be more open even...
But what is honesty without temperance, wisdom, and love? Nothing but a jerk.

I apologize for every time I've appeared to have it figured out or for every time I have not posted the picture of the kid with the dirty dishes in the sink behind them. It is difficult to air the "dirty laundry" but I want so desperately to be real.

So like my photos and keep up with me often. I love bumping in to you at the market and you knowing my life. I love you recognizing my kids before you recognize me ..it lets me know you haven't unfollowed me yet! .... Send me a message, sell me a mid-century modern couch on auction, but please please please don't follow me on Pintrest.

Summer Failure

I have a sort of winter amnesia it seems.  Every year I forget how extremely hard it is to keep the balls in the air in the summer....

Perhaps it's the 18 years in school and the 5 years as a teacher that kept me on sort of a "school year" schedule....whatever the reason, I cannot, cannot, cannot wrap my brain around how I am supposed to parent in the summer.  As soon as the temperature reaches about 66 degrees, any semblance of organization, planning or responsibility, that I have been roughly maintaining at best, flies out the pollen coated window. 

Let me out....Set me free! Summer is here!....

Wait, why are there still dishes?...not just dishes, but now grilling pans, coolers, popsicle making trays....

There is still laundry...but not just laundry: bathing suits, overalls, dress-up clothes, table cloths, "fort" sheets, and the endless mountains of towels upon towels upon towels.

The first week or so always goes rather smoothly.  This year I had a list of to-do projects, a list of books I wanted to read, and a list of activities to do with the kids.  I also had a scheduled itinerary of the kid's activities, camps, vacations, etc.

Of course, you guessed it. I have read only 1 of those books, my kids are bored out of their skulls, we don't have any extra money to throw at activities and my to-do list may as well be a taunting joke in the NOTES ap on my phone......

I am not the first mom to rant and grieve the loss of what I envisioned as the perfect summer. 

But I may be the first to admit that the reason it does not work is because I am a selfish child.  

Despite my lists and intentions, I lose sight each year of what I need to be doing and focus mostly on my desire to just basically do whatever it is I want.

To put this in simpler terms, let me paint you a picture of what I want.

The kids sleep in- all of them- until at least 9 am. We eat breakfast as a family. They smile at me the whole time.

We attend some exquisitely beautiful and free activity that all my kids love.( mind you, they are 11, 6 and 1). They each learn something new and talk about it like it was the most fun they have every had.

Someone fixes lunch. not me. I'm tired. I want to nap. I want to sleep on a float in the middle of a pool for 3 straight hours.  I want someone to bring me tea. I want the children to play sweetly and energetically for hours. I want them to say "mommy, you are the best mommy in the world." 

 I want to have a chef cooking dinner. I want my husband to come home early.  I want lemonade on the porch. 

Am I kidding? no....

Between my own high expectations and freakishly immature selfishness I become a summer failure.

If you were looking for 10 summer boredom-busters or a list of free activities to do or even a blog that gives you an out for not being summer super-mom this isn't it. There are plenty out there if you do a google search of "I'm already a big fat failure of a summer mom can someone please help me and make it all better so I can take a nap" ...believe me.

No. This isn't an out. This is a loving push to help you grow up....to help me grow up.  This is a message to myself to remember...I am just sharing in case you too need a reminder.

1) Boredom isn't a sin.

2) Sit down and read.

3) Snap a picture now and then. Your memory isn't as good as you think.

4) Schedule time with your spouse. Family time isn't marriage time.

5) Go to bed when the kids do.  Or stay up late.

6) Leave the dishes.

7) Go for a drive without electronics.

8) Mind your own business and stop comparing yourself, your life, your family.

9) Get take out.

10) No kid died from drying off on a dirty towel.